dongzhi swirlings
Jessica Kejun Xu
this winter solstice was a time marked
by gathering under queer stars
from a cosy retreat in the mountains
mulling on wonder and ways of being t/here
on Darug and Gundungurra Country
I’ve never really marked 冬至点 independently
with my northern hemisphere family place/southern hemisphere birth home
dongzhi is usually a humble family time with torng yun in december
this winter solstice with Angelita and a contemplative cast, learning about the movement of stars, in that time of absolute yin energy
wondering if I could ever feel confident to connect with culture and ancestral traditions in my own way,
slurp sugary black sesame and sip gingery clear soup,
get to know ourselves differently in the longest moonlight…
how in this dusky solace
we return to o(ur)thered senses of selves
hearing smelling intuiting listening feeling dreaming
weave connections by the shape shifting lune
in adolescent nights, I find myself this boon:
Xu Bing’s square word calligraphy
reflecting an audible part of me
more accurate than Jessica Kejun Xu
to most eyes I am jkexyu
sounds like Jessica
looks like shoe
or maybe you can read it just like you
want to
unmatching representations
unclear pronunciations
unseeming complications
recombining stereo
typing faces with lines
calligraphed into boxes
no longer heavy on my mind

Jessica Kejun Xu is a music teacher, researcher, and shy artist learning to unwind through healing and finding community. She’s grown up on Gadigal and Wangal Country, a child to Chinese migrant settlers, with a muddied sense of identity and curiosity to listen more deeply while making home on someone else’s land. Recently they started a PhD in sociology and education to try unravelling the contexts influencing migrant and diasporic experiences of dreaming out loud. Playing with a mix of creative channels, jkexyu is trying to move through condensed chronic pains and feel out decompressing desires.